A Fundamental Problem With Classic Literature
A moment of your time please. This will only take a brief moment. In fact, hold your breath.
Just one big breath. This shouldn’t take any longer than you can hold your breath. Maybe longer. Give me one breath and two minutes and this should be resolved.
You holding your breath yet? Good. Let’s begin.
I’m sure you’ve all heard it at some point. Someone you know or maybe even someone you don’t know has said it. It’s been a comon phrase for a while now for some innane reason, so I doubt you’ve gone your entire adult life, or even you whole adolescent life, without hearing it once.
My gripe is with this phrase:
“Oh my god, it’s so romantic. They’re like Romeo and Juliet!”
Well, lets back up. Its not even that phrase in particular. Its the insinuation that Romeo and Juliet were such a romantic couple and that more people should be in that sort of love. The sheer thought that people should strive to have that kind of romance at all. That is my gripe.
It’s obvious no one who says this has ever read Romeo and Juliet. Or, if they have, they missed it.
Here’s how they see it:
- Romeo meets Juliet. Juliet meets Romeo.
- The two fall in love.
- The two can’t be together, because their families hate each other.
- They have a hidden romance and die together because their families ruin their romance with their constant fighting.
- Romeo and Juliet are tragic, star crossed lovers.
This is, of course, wrong. In fact, in forgetting key facts, people make the dangerous mistake of trying to relive this romance. Let me bring you back up to speed:
- Romeo knows his family hates Juliets.
- Romeo crashes Juliet’s birthday party.
- Romeo and Juliet sneak around, while their families have their violent feud.
- Romeo antagonizes Juliet’s cousin.
- Romeo’s friend dies because Romeo is a collosal douchebag for antagonizing Juliet’s cousin.
- Romeo KILLS Juliet’s cousin even though he is more or less responsible for his friend’s death.
- Juliet decides (unhealthily, stupidly) she’ll ditch her family to be with Romeo.
- Juliet drinks fancy Coma-Posion. She FAKES HER DEATH to be with the guy.
- Romeo, being dumb, think she’s dead. Kills self.
- Juliet wakes up and sees him kill self. Also kills self.
- Senseless waste of life is senseless.
- Also, Juliet was 16. Romeo was 22.
Recap: Romeo comes in, being an incredible douchebag, and proceeds to wreck Juliet’s life. Juliet, being dumb, follows his lead. The two die for their stupidity.
Do you really want your romance to end with several relatives on both sides dead and you dead as well? No? Good. Remember next time that Romeo and Juliet was a tragedy and not a romance.
You can breathe again now. Thanks for your time.
